18th February, 2008
Supermom Exposed
Chatting with a neighbor befuddled me. As our children climbed on the swing set, this capable lady remarked,
“I don’t have the patience to homeschool.”
I whispered, “I don’t either.”
She chuckled, “Really? Well, I think you are Supermom.“
Thoughts crashed in my head. How should I respond to such a statement? I know that Supermom doesn’t exist. She is an imaginary hero, an idol contrived in our own mind. This idol was discussed at Principled Discovery, and I’ve written about it, too. Dana confessed a desire to expose all her shortcomings to combat the lie. I relate. I wanted to reveal my faults one by one.
I am not perfect because I homeschool. Rather, being surrounded by constant commotion and disaster sometimes awakens the Mommy Monster in me. We try to laugh her away, but when green eyes flare, I long for Supermom to swoop down with scissors, glue, and confetti for a crafting extravaganza melting bad attitudes with a flash of wit. Supermom has yet to appear. External weapons will not conquer Mommy Monster anyway. She is an internal beast who can only be won by sharp stabs of truth.
The truth is there is no Supermom; just me praying for wisdom, hoping for a good day.
Share ThisPosted at 1:49 am |
On February 18, 2008 at 8:23 am Charity said:
February 18, 2008 at 8:23 am
“I don’t either.”
Love it! I give that same response, every time. Maybe someday we will combat that myth.
On February 18, 2008 at 8:54 am heather said:
February 18, 2008 at 8:54 am
You know, my response to that is usually that it doesn’t take any more patience than it does to be a parent–in fact less since you get to train your own child instead of someone else training them to respond in ways you don’t like. And the supermom thing–I haven’t had that one yet (probably because I have a tendency to say no to outside activities since I am lazy and hate having the stress of driving kids everywhere when we could all be home together. :)
On February 18, 2008 at 9:05 am
Renae said:
February 18, 2008 at 9:05 am
Charity,
I think the myth will always exist, because of our own expectations. The roar does shrink back as I apply the grace of God. And it is interesting to think that each of us build our own idol. No two look exactly alike.
Heather,
Honestly, I usually get the proverbial, “You’ve got your hands full.” Supermom is new. We don’t have many outside activities either, and it’s not because I’m lazy. For this season of my life, I want my focus to be on teaching my children.
I like your response better than mine. :) I wanted to communicate to this sweet mother that we both love our children. Because I’m home with mine, doesn’t mean I’m better. We both need God’s strength and wisdom, perhaps her even more so, as she tries to shelter her daughter from the cruel words of classmates.
On February 18, 2008 at 9:09 am Sunniemom said:
February 18, 2008 at 9:09 am
I’ll never understand that attitude. My response to such comments has occasionally been along the lines of “How are you going to teach your kids to persevere in overcoming their own character weaknesses when you refuse to do so yourself?”
I only say this when the person in question is not holding any sharp objects or blunt instruments. ;)
I don’t wish to be Supermom necessarily, but I certainly don’t want to be patted on the back or the head for a lack of virtue. I can admit to my shortcomings if it helps someone else deal with theirs- but that is my goal- to deal with those problems and conquer them.
On February 18, 2008 at 9:55 am Emily said:
February 18, 2008 at 9:55 am
I’m not supermom. I just play one on t.v.
No, seriously. Moms are always comparing themselves to someone else who’s doing a better job. I for one read longingly blogs that are hardcore science. (not my fav.) I then wonder if my kids will ever know anything deeper than earth science….sigh.
Just take it as a compliment. Not that she was feeling insecure, but that you are doing a good enough job to warrant a compliment.
On February 18, 2008 at 11:12 am
Andrea said:
February 18, 2008 at 11:12 am
I am the least patient person I know. And after all this time i *still* don’t know why people think you need a load of patience to homeschool. No more than regular parenting.
On February 18, 2008 at 12:37 pm
wisdom4us said:
February 18, 2008 at 12:37 pm
My cousins says the same thing to me, “I don’t have enough patience to homeschool” or “I’m not organized enough to homeschool.” You hit the nail right on the head Renae! Supermom does not exist and it’s the enemy of our soul that spreads these lies. In your post, you have so graciously quieted his mouth for yet another day!
On February 18, 2008 at 1:00 pm
banquet said:
February 18, 2008 at 1:00 pm
I’m SuperMom (or SuperMum, as we say downunder).
All of us are - surely. Look at what we do without even trying - we organise a multi-digit organisation - look at the logistics of bedding, cleaning, feeding our families 24/7/52/365 x about 18 x the number of household members (including pets)!!
I’m super, amazing, fantastic, clever, onto-it. I’m a mother. I struggle at times, but my children are clean, fed, and clothed, plus they have amazing skills I’ve nurtured - like speaking, creating, reading, observing, thinking …
Of course, with God nothing is impossible!
~ johanna
On February 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm Mandi said:
February 18, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Yes! We are not super-mom! We are the product of humbly stepping out in faith and God providing the grace we need every step of the way just like the Israelites stepping into the waters of the Jordan before God parted them (Josh. 3:15-17)! We are the product of God’s strength made perfect in our weakness! To God be the glory! ( :
On February 18, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Renae said:
February 18, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Sunniemom,
Yes, I see your point, and I don’t have any sharp objects pointing back. :) I don’t want to be “patted on the back for lack of virtue” either. That is not what I was trying to do. This lady is a follower of Christ, but homeschooling intimidates her. She thinks she cannot do it. Some days I can’t either.
I could say, “Yeah, get your act together,” (well, actually, I probably never could be that direct) but my weakness is a testimony to the power of God. He is working to make me like him, and as he does my selfishness is ripped away. Then he gets the glory instead of some Supermom image.
Emily,
Ha! I just play one from a distance. :) (We don’t have television.) I know that we compare ourselves to others. But how can we compare when God made each of us so unique?
Andrea,
I suppose, some people aren’t patient enough to be parents either. Being a mom has sure challenged my character. :)
On February 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Renae said:
February 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Summer and Mandi,
Thanks! I’m glad we walk together.
Johanna,
Yes, of course, mothers are super in that way. We can be heroes to our children. It sounds like you are!
On February 18, 2008 at 3:41 pm Sunniemom said:
February 18, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Sunniemom,
Yes, I see your point, and I don’t have any sharp objects pointing back. :) I don’t want to be “patted on the back for lack of virtue” either. That is not what I was trying to do. This lady is a follower of Christ, but homeschooling intimidates her. She thinks she cannot do it. Some days I can’t either.
I could say, “Yeah, get your act together,” (well, actually, I probably never could be that direct) but my weakness is a testimony to the power of God. He is working to make me like him, and as he does my selfishness is ripped away. Then he gets the glory instead of some Supermom image.
I agree, I know what you were saying, and I don’t want to sound like I go around saying, “Get your act together”, but your post reminded of something I have noticed more and more lately.
Have you ever felt that someone was displaying their character flaws as a sort of trophy? Like “I have a bad temper, but that’s just the way I am” kind of thing. Or brag about how much they fight with their husband or cheat on their diet. Yikes.
Like I said- admitting to a lack of patience in order to receive or give help is one thing, and using it as an excuse to never attempt anything more noble is, well…. icky. I do believe that God can and will do great things in our lives when we not only confess our weaknesses, but truly desire Him to make something wonderful out of our simple efforts. He gets the credit for anything good and honorable that I have ever done, that’s for sure.
On February 18, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Renae said:
February 18, 2008 at 5:51 pm
Sunniemom,
Just to clarify, I wasn’t dismissing your concern. After rereading my reply, I think it sounds harsher than I meant. Discussing ideas without non-verbal communication is a challenge sometimes, and little smiley faces don’t always help. :) I really appreciate your comment, because sin cannot be excused. Blaming “personality” for bad behavior is unacceptable.
And I like your statement about what God can do with our simple efforts. He is our hero! No wonder he hates idols so much. They keep our eyes off of him.
On February 18, 2008 at 6:41 pm Mandi said:
February 18, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Sunniemom said:
Like I said- admitting to a lack of patience in order to receive or give help is one thing, and using it as an excuse to never attempt anything more noble is, well…. icky.
Wow! This is so true - I had not really thought of it before but this is really the underlying problem when we start making excuses for ourselves. Are we accepting defeat or seeking a victory from God over these weak areas in our lives?
On February 19, 2008 at 11:56 am Hadias said:
February 19, 2008 at 11:56 am
I often get commendations for homeschooling my children like I am putting on the perfect like facade. People don’t know how I pray desperately each day for patience and direction when parenting and educatiing my children all day…everyday.
On February 19, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Renae said:
February 19, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Mandi,
“No defeat. No surrender,” is the battle cry of my soul. I sometimes lose heart thinking I will never be victorious in certain areas of my life, but, like Johanna reminded, all things are possible with God.
Hadias,
It’s the all day everyday that wears on me sometimes. Then I remember how valuable my children are, and what a blessing it is to be home with them. I have been given an important job, and I am accountable for what I do with it. I, too, am thankful I don’t have to figure it all out on my own.
On February 20, 2008 at 11:20 pm Melinda said:
February 20, 2008 at 11:20 pm
I loved this post and can so identify. I wish Supermom would show up daily to help me with laundry, cleaning, cooking, reading, art, and all the other things I squeeze into my daily routine.
I don’t have the patience to home school either, but I am doing it anyway, necause I have the more important “love” and “desire” to do it.
On February 21, 2008 at 11:03 am
Renae said:
February 21, 2008 at 11:03 am
Melinda,
Love is a powerful motivation, and, perhaps, the only legitimate one. It is the foundation of all the laws. Love can carry us through the difficult days, and help us overcome our failures. 1 Corinthians 13 describes love as patient, so I will continue reaching for it.
I didn’t even think of Supermom doing the laundry. That’s a great idea! She can clean the house while I play with the kids. :)
On February 22, 2008 at 9:06 am Friday Roundup - The Healthy Baby Boy Edition « Remodeling This Life said:
February 22, 2008 at 9:06 am
[...] Supermom Exposed at Life Nurturing Education is an excellent read. Supermom may not exist and we’re all human, but on the flip side, I know most of us moms are way too hard on ourselves and should see that what we do is super and others who see us think so - especially those perfect little kiddos we’re raising. [...]
On February 22, 2008 at 2:44 pm
buildingbug said:
February 22, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Mom, that is a great post! I like the picture of old lady who lived in a boot!
On February 23, 2008 at 10:33 pm Hopeful Spirit said:
February 23, 2008 at 10:33 pm
Thanks so much for contributing this post to The Seventh Day: Ninth Edition blog carnival at On the Horizon! The Carnival will be live tomorrow, February 24, 2008! Stop by and check out the other excellent submissions!
I agree with your neighbor — I would never have the patience for homeschooling and know myself well enough to know my limitations, so I would never attempt it. I’m no super-mom and readily admit it!
On February 24, 2008 at 2:09 am On the Horizon said:
February 24, 2008 at 2:09 am
[...] shares Supermom Exposed from Life Nurturing Education, a refreshingly candid discussion of her shortcomings as a parent. [...]
On February 24, 2008 at 5:04 am SandyCarlson said:
February 24, 2008 at 5:04 am
I can relate to this one, though I don’t home school. What’s super about you is that you don’t let any limitations get in the way of trying your best for your kids.
God bless.
(I’m here via the Seventh Day.)
On February 24, 2008 at 8:22 am Gattina said:
February 24, 2008 at 8:22 am
A supermom must be horribe for the poor children ! I preferred to be a normal one with my up and downs like a human being !
(participant of the 7th day)
On February 24, 2008 at 10:53 am The Seventh Day: Ninth Edition | On the Horizon said:
February 24, 2008 at 10:53 am
[...] shares Supermom Exposed from Life Nurturing Education, a refreshingly candid discussion of her shortcomings as a parent. [...]
On February 24, 2008 at 3:35 pm JHS said:
February 24, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Thank you for sharing this post with the readers of this week’s Carnival of Family Life! This week the Spring is Just Around the Corner Edition is hosted at home at Colloquium! Hope you will drop by and read some of the many other wonderful entries received this week!
On February 25, 2008 at 1:06 am Carnival of Family Life: Spring is Just Around the Corner Edition | Colloquium said:
February 25, 2008 at 1:06 am
[...] presents Supermom Exposed published at Life Nurturing Education.Miscellaneous Mum presents Taking stock published at [...]